"More Patience in [Growing]"

This morning, I had the special opportunity to attend a convert baptism. It was quite an uplifting experience, both as a direct result of the baptism and in a few more personal ways.

One hymn we sang was "More Holiness Give Me," by Philip P. Bliss. Like many hymns, there are so many uniquely (excuse the oxymoron) special phrases in this piece, but I wish to focus on one in particular.

More patience in suff'ring.
 
While I am experiencing many trials, and this line is very applicable, this does not accurately display what I felt my prayer was. To illustrate more perfectly, I would read it as

More patience in [growing].

This is a more specific appeal that I wanted to make to my Father.

Before I left on my mission (I talk a lot about this, don't I?), I was a pretty carefree child. I didn't have many friends, so I was spared much of the drama teenagers have; I was active in my church, so nobody complained there; I am intelligent (don't mean to boast), so high school was very easy. When I went on my mission, my life was filled with worries and responsibilities, but none were for myself; they were all for others, whether it be my fellow missionary companions, those I taught the gospel, or others I was obliged to help. When I came home, I no longer had those responsibilities, but I grew up. As a result, I realized I have severely neglected my personal growth in many aspects; I have a lot of maturing to do.

This causes me grief. I am a structured person; I move on from one task to the next, or so I try. Coming home from my mission, I anticipated my next 3 main goals were to get married, get educated, and get a job. However, I ran into a brick wall when I saw I lacked the tools to progress. My mind was set; "Time to get married, Patrick!" "Time to go to school!" But those things are not so simple, and as a result of my choices, I am torn; torn between the determination to "move on to the next step" and the need to do some more growing up.

I did not anticipate this, and as such this has been very trying. As I said before, I always automatically jumped into the next step without much thought; but now, that is not happening. Instead of moving on into the next adventure, I am forced to wait.

Wait until when?

This has always been the hardest part of any trial for me; if I know how long I must endure something, I act accordingly and deal with it better. I also believe that, in this modern age of internet, communication, fast food, and so forth, we believe in instant gratification! Some of the greatest questions can be answered, albeit in a textbook manner, by typing it into the searchbar of an internet browser! But the trials God gives us rarely have a timetable for us to observe; rather, they are on His timetable. But how do I know when I am ready? How do I know that I am sufficiently mature to make the next decision?

Another difficult question is, "Am I really not ready, or am I just doubting myself?" I very well could be ready, but I allow fear and doubt to halt my progression. Maybe I am an adequate student; I just doubt my ability to do so. Maybe I am marriage material, and I just fail to see it.

How can I find answers to these questions?

For behold, again I say unto you that if ye will enter in by the way, and receive the Holy Ghost, it will show unto you all things what ye should do.

For precept must be upon precept, precept upon precept; line upon line, line upon line; here a little, and there a little.

That which is of God is light; and he that receiveth light, and continueth in God, receiveth more light; and that light groweth brighter and brighter until the perfect day.

God has everything laid out for us. He knows what to do. His purpose is to bring about "the immortality and eternal life of man" (Moses 1:39). He is our Father in a literal sense. God knows our souls better than anyone else, even better than we know ourselves. That is why trials, when properly endured, are always the best possible thing we could have suffered.

It is also not meet that He gives us all understanding. For instance, if I search on Google for the purpose of life, I may find an answer, I may even find the right answer, but it will be a hollow answer. It will have no meaning. It is empty and useless. Knowledge is bestowed by those that know, but understanding is only gained through personal application. We cannot understand that which we did not discover ourselves; the path of understanding may be shown by one wiser, but we must walk that path ourselves.

However, in spite of being unable to give us understanding, God has given us tools to gain that understanding. God, first, gave us the Gospel; as we live the Gospel, we will gain a greater light on the meaning of life than we would through any other means! That I promise you. As we live by faith, we will see faith fulfilled and increased. As we repent, we understand the commandments. As we live God's law, we will be able to see exactly how living a godly life brings a perfect fulness of joy.

This understanding is gained at a rate contrary to the world, however. In the world today, everything is brought instantly. Nothing should be waited for. Everything should come immediately. Food, information, material items, all things do not have a significant delay. It takes less than a day to reach the other side of the world! But for things of the Spirit, for knowledge of greatest worth, we receive it "line upon line, precept upon precept; here a little, there a little." It is not gained instantly, but throughout the years of experience, trial, error, success, sorrow, pain, and joy.

To help us further, the Holy Ghost has been given to us. With His help, we can find understanding to answers outside our reach. Many of my earlier questions can be answered as I appeal unto Him. This is yet another process, however, that takes time and practice. All good things take time. Relationships, maturing, growth, knowledge... all of these things flourish as we labor in them.

So, I pray tonight for more patience in growing. I dream of the next steps in life often; however, I recognize a loving Father that wants me to enjoy all the blessings in store; God has promised me a life of discipleship, a beautiful marriage, a satisfying education, and a career adequate to support my family. But, I must wait patiently.

I am filled with uncertainty. However, I am confident that, in due time, I will be blessed with the righteous desires of my heart. And I witness to you that the same is true for all His children. For you.

God bless you!
Patrick