To Kill an Angry Bird

And no, I am not referencing the video game!

Tonight I attended Institute, a religious class for adults between 18 and 30 years of age. As everything appears to be doing lately, what we learned in Institute tonight relates to what I have been learning over the past few weeks, albeit a little more indirectly.

There were many topics, but the one I thought about tonight because of what has been going on as of late is the need to be meek and soft-spoken in our demeanor. In the last post, we discussed the need to show love to those around us when attempting to cooperate with others. To refresh our memory, Christ said to be "harmless as doves" (Matt. 10: 16). To get to the point, we should not get angry. But, why shouldn't we get angry? What are we supposed to do when we are frustrated?

First, before we can discover why anger is wrong and appropriate measures of controlling it, we need to define anger. The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines anger to be "a strong feeling of displeasure and usually of antagonism." Let's highlight a few words: strong, displeasure, and antagonism. We'll come back to strong, let's look at displeasure first. Displeasure is the opposite of pleasure, to be displeased. Is being displeased a good thing? I think not. Antagonism is enmity or hatred towards another person or thing. That is definitely not good! Then we add the emphatic word, strong, in front of it. When is it ever okay to feel strong displeasure or antagonism towards someone?

In our society today, along with the glamorization of violence comes the natural conclusion that if violence makes a hero, anger makes a man. But that is clearly not the case. Pres. Gordon B. Hinckley of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints said this concerning anger:

"Who can calculate the wounds inflicted, their depth and pain, by harsh and mean words spoken in anger? How pitiful a sight is a man who is strong in many ways but who loses all control of himself when some little thing, usually of no significant consequence, disturbs his equanimity. In every marriage there are, of course, occasional differences. But I find no justification for tempers that explode on the slightest provocation. . . . You may think it is the macho thing to flare up in anger and swear and profane the name of the Lord. It is not the macho thing. It is an indication of weakness. Anger is not an expression of strength. It is an indication of one’s inability to control his thoughts, words, his emotions. Of course it is easy to get angry. When the weakness of anger takes over, the strength of reason leaves. Cultivate within yourselves the mighty power of self-discipline."

I was introduced to this thought tonight, and I loved it. What a succinct statement. While frustration is a part of daily life, when we allow them to take over, we really do show a large deficiency in our self-control, doing many things we may regret later. I remember when one of my nephews did something he shouldn't, and I was not kind to him. He was embarrassed about the incident already, and my anger just made things worse. Looking back, I really do regret not keeping myself composed.

In the Scriptures we read of Cain. He was the first person to really walk the path of sin; others had stepped on it, but Cain lived it. It does not make sense that Cain fell away, though; why did he? He had some of the best parents in the world, both of whom talked to God personally, and he also had a very righteous brother. Why did he choose a different way?

A few different factors led to this. The two main facts were first, Cain did not want to follow God, and second, he was angry when he could not have things his way.

Early on in his life, Cain chose to walk from God. "Cain hearkened not, saying: Who is the Lord, that I should know him?" (Moses 5: 16). "Cain loved Satan more than God" (v. 18). In their day, God required sacrifice of Adam and his children, and Abel, Cain's more righteous brother, gave an offering according to the Lord's standards; however, Cain gave an offering he knew full well was not what God asked. When the Lord rejected Cain's offering, "Cain was very wroth (wroth meaning angry), and his countenance fell" (v. 21). In the following verses, God gives Cain ample chance to correct his errors and be in similar standing to Abel, but Cain, in his anger, refused. Later, we see Cain did not want the punishments for his actions (v. 39), but because of his short-sightedness and lack of reasoning in his anger, Cain had no choice but to accept his decisions.

Now that we have discussed the consequences of anger, how can we overcome it? Well, anger is merely an emotion; how do we overcome any emotion that may cloud our judgment? We calm down and reason in a neutral state. While I am no anger-management specialist, some things that have helped me overcome anger is to walk away or refrain from action for a minute before returning to the situation, remember the love you have for that person, remember that he or she is a person with feelings, and prayer usually does good too. God is willing to help us overcome any shortcomings we may have, and anger truly is one of those imperfections that through the Atonement of Christ can be resolved.

Nothing good ever comes from anger. If anything good comes of it, it would have been done better with a mild demeanor. Anger, as stated earlier, is a symptom of no self-control, and thus what we do when we are angry is not really what we would have done had we calmed down and worked out a solution that way. Not to excuse ourselves from anger; we are still wholly responsible. But the difference between decisions made based on anger and those not is that anger-based choices are based on fleeting and harmful emotions, where other decisions are made with our full rationale.

Besides, does anyone like being around angry people all the time? I for one love the peace I enjoy when I am around calm, good-mannered friends.

God bless y'all!
Patrick